Be at peace, not in pieces.

I lay in my bed wondering if I entirely made you up.I can't remember where was the truth and where was my imagination.I can't evem remember who you were before I created the image of you in my mind.I couldn't control you in my life, because hell no, you were no man to control, so I decided I want to control you in my head.It was indeed my biggest mistake.
Even today I remember the first time we met.But it is a story old like the world itself, isn't it?Even the memory hurts me.Yet I realized I mostly suffer over a memory.After finding out your lies, I think I may have build my life over this memory.It's a funny thing?Lies -sren't they?Your unnecessary lies about your past?But then again I think we only tell lies because we can not face the truth.It is too hard for you to understand my feeling to you?To accept it.Is it hard to admit that your indeceisiveness already made one woman walk away, so you have to imagine a past? I wonder so many times why couldn't you just let me love you.You couldn't you give me your love and tenderness, you couldn't you understand that we were ment to be?May be we were.Yet it turns out-may be not.
You simply couldn't love yourself, could you?You just couldn't let me in.So I fooled myself non-stop.Taht you are my man.That some day I would be enough for you.That you would love me.But it never happened.Never will , I would bet.Although I am hurt like never before I can only hope one thing.No matter what, I have me.And it is priseless.I am falling asleep knowing that someday( and, honey, this day is very soon) you will be just a distant memory.And a beautiful, loving man will look at me and tell me "I love you".

P.S. Not because I die for revenge, but because I believe in faith I know that you will read this.We never really had a song, you know, so I picked one for us and I am going to write the lyrics.Enjoy, my sweet Niki baby :):):)

You held my hand and walked me home, I know
Why you gave me that kiss it was something like this it made me go ooh ohh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go?
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love
Guys are so hard to trust
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl?
The one who gives it all away, yeah
 Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
You're better off that way

Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck
Will get you in my pants I'll have to kick your ass and make you never forget
I'm gonna ask you to stop, thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset
Get out of my head get off of my bed yeah thats what I said
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl, the one who, throws it all away
 This guilt trip that you put me on won't, mess me up I've done no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away